I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
