In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
