girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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