i love accidental penises.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
