I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
