plz talk dirty to me
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
