Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize