OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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