sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
