In the future we'll all be gay
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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