It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize