I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
