Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
