i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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