I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hippo gnu deer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
