Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
