My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
