i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
