I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
