This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
