Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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