I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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