I just threw up on my dentist
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
