shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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