Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
