My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
