Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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