Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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