u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
