Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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