I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
