Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
