And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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