He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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