They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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