Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
