were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
