I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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