Your dad touched me again.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
