I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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