My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
