Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
