Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
