I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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