ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
