Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
