i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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