Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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