i already hear my dad disowning me
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
