nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
