I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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