I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
