Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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