I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Watching her eat just hurts me
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
