people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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