I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize