I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
