Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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