Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
