I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
