Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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