yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
