Where is the hickey?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
