So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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