8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
