took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
