I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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