I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As shirtless as possible
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
