She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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