What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
