my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
