Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
