she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
