I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
