Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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