her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I still have a little drunk in my system
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
