if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
wow bdsm is so cute
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
