While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
