He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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