Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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