This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
