You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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