were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
