last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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