have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
