When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize