so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
