fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
