I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
