ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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