Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
how drunk are you?
Several
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize