I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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