smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
