I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
