He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
