Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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