I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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