dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
