I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
