I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
